Comments on: Perfecting Divorce

By: Angie

Angie — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 20:18:56 +0000

Hi, I was hoping you could help me find that Barney song you refer to. I am the Coordinator for a divorce class for children in my county. I think the 6-7 year old group would benefit from this song being played during the snack time. I can’t seem to find a downloadable audio of it…..thank you so much!

By: solicitor liverpool

solicitor liverpool — Thu, 13 May 2010 13:55:28 +0000

What an insightful post.
I think many people could relate to the idea of being a divorced child but I don’t think they are aware of the larger picture. This article really helps peice it together.

By: Divorce Solicitor Cheshire

Divorce Solicitor Cheshire — Mon, 10 May 2010 11:22:02 +0000

I thought this post was really well put together. The mix betweeen personal and factual was spot on. I think this is a topic many people would benefit from understanding deeper.

By: Deanna Hodgin

Deanna Hodgin — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 18:14:57 +0000

What a great, thoughtful series. Having grown up in Southern California with a serially married/divorced mom (we counted five husbands that we knew of) divorce seemed close to the norm among my friends. We all took turns going out on Sundays with eachother’s divorced dads, who really didn’t know what to do with us anyway and were glad to have us bring a friend to keep us entertained. Going to “Parents Without Partners” events, or getting dragged along on dates with my mom allowed me to see my mom and other adults as flawed but lovable people, trying to make things work. Actually, coming from a home of many divorces, it made marriage seem fake. Like my friends’ married parents seemed to be conforming to a bunch of outmoded customs. Still, those customs gave my friends’ lives’ shape and regularity that I missed: dinner at six, holiday celebrations, parents at sports events. My mom’s hectic life where I was one of many details seemed more real to me, and a more realistic approach to life. I’m married, we’ve been together for 26 years now, and creating a stable homelife for our 10-year-old has been the most healing process in my life. My child needs me to be Mom despite my needs and aspirations, and I feel fortunate to be able to give that stability. As a child, you can’t grasp that marriage is a melange of affection, friendship, sex, economics, business, communication and trust. It’s a very complex relationship, and it takes constant maintenance. Having seen a lot of examples of it not working, I think I learned that it’s worth it to me to keep working at it. Like my grandmother used to say, “Where ever you go, there you are.”

By: Michele Ellison

Michele Ellison — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 17:53:00 +0000

I enjoyed reading these well-written pieces. There was a nice balance between the personal aspect and the research.
I wonder how I was affected by divorce because my parents separated when my mother was pregnant. (My mother was herself the child of parents who divorced when she was 12.) The divorce terms were that she would not get any child-support and he would not get any time with me. She remarried when I was 5 and I was adopted by my stepfather.
I married at 18, divorced and remarried at 22 and divorced and remarried again after that. I have three children, one from each marriage.
I still “believe in” marriage. I have no doubt my current marriage will last (We have been together 15 years) because I now have a mature atitude toward relationships. Not just romantic relationships, but work and friends as well. I am thankful that all of our children have managed to turn out to be well-adjusted, but I can also see the scars so I agree with the conclusion that Sasha Aslanian draws. At least I was able to counsel my children because of my own growth — unfortunately we usually don’t learn from our parents mistakes.